By Brian S. Brijbag, Esq.
We’ve all seen them.
Billboards screaming across the interstate like caffeinated gladiators:
“Injured? Call NOW!”
“One Call, That’s All!”
“We Don’t Get Paid Unless YOU Do!”
But what if — just once — instead of fluorescent legalese and aggressive phone numbers, we got something a little… more poetic?
Imagine, if you will, a world where William Shakespeare hung his shingle in Spring Hill. A bard for the broken bone. A sonneteer of settlements. A litigator with a penchant for iambic pentameter.
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I give you:
💥1. The Billboard
Hath thou been rear-ended upon thine chariot of steel?
Let us sue, for thy neck bends not like it once did.
Brian Brijbag & Thou: Justice with Poise and Purpose.
📞2. The Late-Night Commercial
(Dramatic lighting. Enter a battered nobleman, clutching his lumbar with flair.)
“O cruel fate! A slippery floor hath felled me—
My coccyx shattered, my dignity bruis’d.”(Enter Brian S. Brijbag, in tailored robes.)
“Fear not, good sir, for statutes doth provide
A path to gold, through negligence denied.Did signage warn of tile slick as deceit?
Did cameras catch thine flailing, tragic feet?Then come, my friend, and file thy claim with speed—
We feast not till thine pockets overflow with deed.”
⚖️3. The Radio Spot
[Trumpets] Hear ye! Hear ye!
If ye hath suffered whiplash, wounds, or worse—
Call now thine ally versed in righteous curse.
No coin shall leave thy hand unless we win—
For Brijbag’s code is sealed by sacred kin.Call 1-800-BRIJBAGE — That’s 1-800-BRIJBAG-E (The E stands for Esquire.)
💡4. The Digital Ad
A pixel’d scroll unfurls upon thy screen.
“Hurt in a crash? Let us make thy wallet green.”
Click here for justice swift and most polite—
Our firm will text thee back ‘fore close of night.
🎭5. And Of Course… The Yelp Review (in Elizabethan style):
“Five stars to yond Brijbag firm of lore—
They turn’d my fender-bend into a score.
No villain’s insurer could them out-talk,
They sued with flair and made adjusters squawk.”
Why This Matters (Yes, There’s a Point)
It’s easy to laugh — and you should. The legal industry often forgets that language, like law, is a tool best used with intention. Somewhere between the shouting billboards and stiff legalese lies a forgotten truth: words matter. And sometimes, the way we speak about justice — even with humor — can shape how people feel about it.
Because at the end of the day, whether I’m writing closing arguments or absurdist plays, I believe in clarity, craft, and connection.
And if a clever rhyme or an Elizabethan pun helps someone remember that they do have rights, that their voice does matter, and that help is available — then hand me a quill and let the ad copy commence.
Brian Brijbag 